Friday, 2 May 2008

How does a mother leave her children?

Only two more days with my babies before I have to leave them. That's exactly what it feels like I'm doing. Leaving them.

Thank god my drive is a long one. Will it be long enough to dry the tears before I get to the office? Will it be long enough to go from Mommy-mode to working-woman-mode? Will it be long enough stop singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and start singing along with the radio instead? Will it be long enough to forget about Dora the Explorer and start focusing on product information? Will it be long enough to switch my thinking from dealing with a boundary-pushing preschooler to dealing with boundary-pushing adults? Hopefully I don't try to dole out any time-outs at work! I don't think that would go over very well.... (Although I'm sure I'll be tempted!)

How does a mother leave her baby boy when she's almost certain she'll miss his first steps?
How does a mother walk out that door while her little girl is crying, "Mommy! Don't leave me!"?
How does a mother go to work every day praying and hoping to God her babies will be safe, dreading and fearing that phone call at work - knowing how far she'll have to go to get back to them?
How does a mother explain to a one-year-old who has had his Mommy with him almost every breath of his precious little life, that she will barely see him anymore?
How does a mother explain to an almost four-year old who has had her Mommy with her over half her life, that she "has to" go to work (and no, baby, you can't come) and she'll be home "soon"?
How does a mother explain her concerns to her partner without his feeling like she thinks he's inadequate?

How am I going to back out of the driveway Monday morning?

2 comments:

mom2peaches said...

I hear you... heart is there for you for sure... *sniff*

Christine said...

Oh you made me cry. I'll be facing almost the exact scenario in a few short months. I too have a long commute. I'll miss them so much. It's so hard to be torn in two.

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